My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
