Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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