what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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