I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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