I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
