don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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