I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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