oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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