your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
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