8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
