There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
