dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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