No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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