its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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