The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
