I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
