You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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