Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
