Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
