apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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