it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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