Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
