watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
