Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
