I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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