i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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