Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
