he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
