im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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