wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
