I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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