All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
