Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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