You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
