I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
