I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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