She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
