Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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