STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
