sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
