Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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