Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
