So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
