when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
