: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
