I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
