sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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