we have pet lesbian snakes
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
