My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
