and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
