we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Green mimosas i think yes
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
